i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize