Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
