i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
