Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there's paper in my vomit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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