my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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