someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
