you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
