I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
