We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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