yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
