So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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