Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I AM VODKA MAN
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
