oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
