if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize