Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
