Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
