Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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