i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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