i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
