He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
