Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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