Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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