Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
