where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's blow job season.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
