This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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