the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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