all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
