Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
