Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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