i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
