There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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