That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
