dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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