dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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