just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
