I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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