Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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