After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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