69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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