Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
