Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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