can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
