I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
