I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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