i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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