..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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