You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
