so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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