I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
