Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
