Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
