Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
