my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
