i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
