so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
