so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
