Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
