You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
