I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
