I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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