this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
