I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
