I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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