you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
