This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
