eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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