How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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