I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He did a backflip because drugs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize