Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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