He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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