So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
