i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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