she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
