yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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