he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
