...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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