Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
