there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
