Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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