sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize