It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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