Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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