i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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