Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he fucked my hip out of place.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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