There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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