Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
