You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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