Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
