That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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