i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Watching her eat just hurts me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
